I am writing all of this information on a different blog to keep it straight. Eventually I will make a separate book of this journey for everyone to look at.

Our journey started on Oct. 21, 2009. I woke up early (4:30 AM) to go to the early morning temple session. I had been praying about something prior to this day. I had just been to Time out for Women and there was a man there that really inspired me. He said he prayed to Heavenly Father to help him change and become better. He was willing to change whatever HF told him too. I wanted to do that. I had been praying for that for awhile but it didn't seem that anything was happening. Today it happened. Right when I woke up I had a distinct feeling that I was supposed to have a baby!! WHAT??!!! This was new news to me!! We were done having kids and really I was shocked and scared. I still went to the temple where the feeling became even stronger. Now I was even more scared. I finished the session and knew I needed to tell Bobby. That scared me too, because I wasn't sure what he would think. I was a mess to say the least and could barely talk. He pryed it out of me and surprisingly enough he said he had already known. WHAT!!?? I asked why he didn't tell me and he told me he was scared too.

It took me several days to wrap my brain around all of this. This is a huge change for all of us. The thought of getting pregnant and gaining a lot of weight was not exciting to me. I just lost 20 pounds and I didn't really want to gain it all back and some. I know all this sounds selfish on my part but that is truly how I felt.I did however know that that was what HF wanted for us. This wasn't as easy as it all sounds however. Bobby needed to have surgery to reverse his vasecotomy (sp?). He wasn't super excited about it but again we knew we were supposed to have another baby and having our own baby seemed like the most sensible way to do it.

As this set in a little more we realized a few things. Heavenly Father had been preparing me for this. When we went to the Orquire(sp?) Mountain Temple dedication I felt a really strong feeling to have another baby and I of course dismissed it because it was weird to feel that in the middle of that session. I had also had feelings that when I walked into the room with all my children there, that someone was missing. That was also weird to me but not weird enough to consider having more children. Bobby told me that day that when he went to the temple (he went to a session after me), he felt a strong impression too. He felt like some family forfeited their blessings of having a child here on earth and that we were chosen to help that child out. That made sense to me and I began to become ok with all of it. We did not tell our kids and had no intentions of doing so until I was pregnant. Bobby went for a consultation and the surgery was set for Jan. 15th. I decided in my mind I would not worry about it a lot until the new year. I did have a lot of things to get ready and think about though. I have no OB doctor because mine moved and I have no more baby or maternity clothes because I sold them all. Those two things are big things for me. I decided I would really have to learn to trust Heavenly Father and just know that he will help us do this. Lots of times I thought to myself "what am I getting myself into" "Why did I pray for this?" my answer is I don't know but I know this is what we are supposed to do. I will just take one day at a time.