I knew that we were going to start the Foster Care classses and I wanted to tell our kids the plan. I knew that it would be a sacrifice for them and for me. So, we sat the whole family down and talked about it. We told them we decided to have another baby and that instead of having the baby ourselves we were going to adopt. Here are their reactions:
Trevor: "WHY?"
US: "Because we feel like Heavenly Father told us we should"
Trevor: "Well then I want to adopt a big kid!! "
US: "That's not going to happen"
Trevor: "WHY?"
US: "Because we want a baby"
Trevor: "Well can we at least get a boy?"
US: "Yes, Trevor we are going to try and get a boy"
Abbey is in the background raising her hand like she is at school.
Abbey: "Can we get a white baby?"
US: "Why Abbey?"
Abbey: "Because if you get a brown baby our family will go white, white, white, white, brown."
US: (Laughing because she is so honest) we say, "We'll see what happens"
Kyra and Jacob had nothing to say about it. Kyra did say she would help with the new baby though. When I went to my first class, they all asked if I was going to bring the baby home that night. Sadly the answer was no, no baby at the end of that night or any of the 7 nights I went to class. It will be different bringing a baby home for the DCFS office instead of the hospital.
Bobby and I went to the DCFS office to get our fingerprints yesterday. I was going to take pictures but I forgot :( When we pulled into the parking lot I mentioned to Bobby that this won't be the last time we come to this building. Oddly it did look a little like a hospital from the outside and a little like a doctor's office on the inside. I wanted to say "where are all the babies?" but I knew there wasn't any there.
In the 2nd class the teacher emphasized the importance of making sure our kids knew what we were getting into. They needed to know that a baby will come into our house and it is our job to love that baby and help take care of it while the birth mommy and daddy do what they need to do to get the baby back. If they do what they are supposed to do the baby goes away from our family. Honestly, going through all the classes and knowing what I know now, sending the baby back to it's mommy will be the hardest part. It not just going to be hard on me but on everyone.
We tried to explain all of this to our kids but I don't know if they REALLY understood. I guess we will see when it actually happens.
We ask all of you to pray for us! Pray that we will make it through all of this and not miss the babies that go back home too much!! I pray we don't have to send too many back before we get the one that is supposed to be in our family!!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
The decision to adopt instead of having my own baby
I really tried not to worry much about getting pregnant during the Christmas season. The reason for that is because I was so busy. Not only was Christmas coming, but I did 3 or 4 craft shows during that time too! I was running here and there making cards and advent calendars. All of that busyness (is that a word?) helped me keep busy and not worry. We told my parents and Bobby's parents what our plan was. They were excited for us of course. The Waechtler's will now have 41 grandchildren and my family will have 5 (yes all five are from me :) ). We only told Peter and Tiffani from the Waechtler side. We just figured they would all find out soon enough. Something happened at the Waechtler family Christmas party that was funny though. Mary said to me, "what ya giving to Bobby for Christmas, a baby?" I thought someone had told her so I said "Mary, Shhh!!" Apparently no one had told her she just said it to be funny. By my reaction she knew it was true. She was also excited for us, probably because she has 8 kids.
Michael and Christina got married on Dec. 26th. We went to the temple for the wedding that day. Bobby had to work nights so we were just home that night. I felt a distinct impression that I should figure everything out. I wanted to pray to make sure we were supposed to go through the surgery. Bobby's surgery was scheduled for Jan. 15th and so I wanted to make sure that was the path we supposed to take. So I prayed about it. My answer was NOT to do the surgery. Immediately I was so confused. So then I prayed again to see what we were supposed to do. The answer was to adopt. WOW, WHAT!!?? It took me days to wrap my brain around being pregnant again and now we are supposed to adopt. I actually felt some instant relief because some of the things I would have to worry about were gone like no maternity clothes, no finding a new doctor, no getting fat. I also thought how nice it would be to enjoy a baby without all the emotional feelings that come after having it. That will be different!!
I have to be honest here. Fear set in big time again!! I know NOTHING about adoption and all the ins and outs. I felt like I should call my best friend from High School. Becky was only able to have 1 child but has adopted 2 so I figured she would know what to do. I was right she talked me through both of her situations. She told me about Fost to adopt and I knew right on the phone that was what we were supposed to do. I knew there was a child out there that needed our family and this was where we were going to find him/her. She warned me about telling everyone my plans because everyone has their opinions and it is not always positive, especially concerning foster care. That night was New Years Eve and so we went to play games with some friends. Sure enough, my friends had a lot to say on the subject. They brought up stuff that I was already worried about and wanted to know how I would deal with it, etc., etc., and I couldn't defend myself (and Bobby was at work that night). I came home discouraged and scared.
The next day I was reading the weekly reading assignment and here is an excerpt from what I wrote on my private blog.
A continuation of the last post Jan. 2, 2010
I figured out why I as feeling so overwhelmed with everything. Sat. night I decided to read in the scriptures. I read Moses 1 because that was our reading assignment for the week. When I did I realized what had happened to me was the same thing that happened to Moses. I had this spiritual experience where HF was telling me what I should do. Immediately after that Satan was there to tempt me and make me feel like I wasn't a good mom. He was there to tell me I couldn't do it. Now that I realize that that was what I was feeling I am ok now. Here is what I have learned so far. I must have patience and trust the Lord. I lack both of those things. I also learned that I don't need to tell everyone my plans for my life. It is my life and everyone has their opinion and I don't need to hear all of their opinions. We are going to pursue the Fost to adopt program and see where that takes us. I feel good about that decision.
So.... what next? We called the Foster Care foundation and got that ball rolling. The first thing they did was send us information via email. Everything sounded ok with us when we read the papers. Then they came to visit us on Jan. 28th. I found out that day that we had to take Foster Care classes. Each class is 4 hours long and they were in Brigham City. That means I would be gone 5 hours every Tuesday and Thursday for the whole month of February. That was overwhelming to me. I had to take all 8 classes to get licensed and Bobby had to take 3 now and the rest within a year. It was a good thing he only had to take that many because he had to work on most of those nights. Here are all the other things we had to do:
*Physical exams for both of us (poor Bobby has been over examined lately!!! :)) (we did cancel the surgery so at least he didn't have to do that :) )
* Background checks
* Fingerprints
* Forms, forms and more forms to fill out.
Has anyone been wondering what we've been doing in February? Well we have mostly just been attending classes and filling out paper work!!!
Michael and Christina got married on Dec. 26th. We went to the temple for the wedding that day. Bobby had to work nights so we were just home that night. I felt a distinct impression that I should figure everything out. I wanted to pray to make sure we were supposed to go through the surgery. Bobby's surgery was scheduled for Jan. 15th and so I wanted to make sure that was the path we supposed to take. So I prayed about it. My answer was NOT to do the surgery. Immediately I was so confused. So then I prayed again to see what we were supposed to do. The answer was to adopt. WOW, WHAT!!?? It took me days to wrap my brain around being pregnant again and now we are supposed to adopt. I actually felt some instant relief because some of the things I would have to worry about were gone like no maternity clothes, no finding a new doctor, no getting fat. I also thought how nice it would be to enjoy a baby without all the emotional feelings that come after having it. That will be different!!
I have to be honest here. Fear set in big time again!! I know NOTHING about adoption and all the ins and outs. I felt like I should call my best friend from High School. Becky was only able to have 1 child but has adopted 2 so I figured she would know what to do. I was right she talked me through both of her situations. She told me about Fost to adopt and I knew right on the phone that was what we were supposed to do. I knew there was a child out there that needed our family and this was where we were going to find him/her. She warned me about telling everyone my plans because everyone has their opinions and it is not always positive, especially concerning foster care. That night was New Years Eve and so we went to play games with some friends. Sure enough, my friends had a lot to say on the subject. They brought up stuff that I was already worried about and wanted to know how I would deal with it, etc., etc., and I couldn't defend myself (and Bobby was at work that night). I came home discouraged and scared.
The next day I was reading the weekly reading assignment and here is an excerpt from what I wrote on my private blog.
A continuation of the last post Jan. 2, 2010
I figured out why I as feeling so overwhelmed with everything. Sat. night I decided to read in the scriptures. I read Moses 1 because that was our reading assignment for the week. When I did I realized what had happened to me was the same thing that happened to Moses. I had this spiritual experience where HF was telling me what I should do. Immediately after that Satan was there to tempt me and make me feel like I wasn't a good mom. He was there to tell me I couldn't do it. Now that I realize that that was what I was feeling I am ok now. Here is what I have learned so far. I must have patience and trust the Lord. I lack both of those things. I also learned that I don't need to tell everyone my plans for my life. It is my life and everyone has their opinion and I don't need to hear all of their opinions. We are going to pursue the Fost to adopt program and see where that takes us. I feel good about that decision.
So.... what next? We called the Foster Care foundation and got that ball rolling. The first thing they did was send us information via email. Everything sounded ok with us when we read the papers. Then they came to visit us on Jan. 28th. I found out that day that we had to take Foster Care classes. Each class is 4 hours long and they were in Brigham City. That means I would be gone 5 hours every Tuesday and Thursday for the whole month of February. That was overwhelming to me. I had to take all 8 classes to get licensed and Bobby had to take 3 now and the rest within a year. It was a good thing he only had to take that many because he had to work on most of those nights. Here are all the other things we had to do:
*Physical exams for both of us (poor Bobby has been over examined lately!!! :)) (we did cancel the surgery so at least he didn't have to do that :) )
* Background checks
* Fingerprints
* Forms, forms and more forms to fill out.
Has anyone been wondering what we've been doing in February? Well we have mostly just been attending classes and filling out paper work!!!
Friday, March 5, 2010
I am writing all of this information on a different blog to keep it straight. Eventually I will make a separate book of this journey for everyone to look at.
Our journey started on Oct. 21, 2009. I woke up early (4:30 AM) to go to the early morning temple session. I had been praying about something prior to this day. I had just been to Time out for Women and there was a man there that really inspired me. He said he prayed to Heavenly Father to help him change and become better. He was willing to change whatever HF told him too. I wanted to do that. I had been praying for that for awhile but it didn't seem that anything was happening. Today it happened. Right when I woke up I had a distinct feeling that I was supposed to have a baby!! WHAT??!!! This was new news to me!! We were done having kids and really I was shocked and scared. I still went to the temple where the feeling became even stronger. Now I was even more scared. I finished the session and knew I needed to tell Bobby. That scared me too, because I wasn't sure what he would think. I was a mess to say the least and could barely talk. He pryed it out of me and surprisingly enough he said he had already known. WHAT!!?? I asked why he didn't tell me and he told me he was scared too.
It took me several days to wrap my brain around all of this. This is a huge change for all of us. The thought of getting pregnant and gaining a lot of weight was not exciting to me. I just lost 20 pounds and I didn't really want to gain it all back and some. I know all this sounds selfish on my part but that is truly how I felt.I did however know that that was what HF wanted for us. This wasn't as easy as it all sounds however. Bobby needed to have surgery to reverse his vasecotomy (sp?). He wasn't super excited about it but again we knew we were supposed to have another baby and having our own baby seemed like the most sensible way to do it.
As this set in a little more we realized a few things. Heavenly Father had been preparing me for this. When we went to the Orquire(sp?) Mountain Temple dedication I felt a really strong feeling to have another baby and I of course dismissed it because it was weird to feel that in the middle of that session. I had also had feelings that when I walked into the room with all my children there, that someone was missing. That was also weird to me but not weird enough to consider having more children. Bobby told me that day that when he went to the temple (he went to a session after me), he felt a strong impression too. He felt like some family forfeited their blessings of having a child here on earth and that we were chosen to help that child out. That made sense to me and I began to become ok with all of it. We did not tell our kids and had no intentions of doing so until I was pregnant. Bobby went for a consultation and the surgery was set for Jan. 15th. I decided in my mind I would not worry about it a lot until the new year. I did have a lot of things to get ready and think about though. I have no OB doctor because mine moved and I have no more baby or maternity clothes because I sold them all. Those two things are big things for me. I decided I would really have to learn to trust Heavenly Father and just know that he will help us do this. Lots of times I thought to myself "what am I getting myself into" "Why did I pray for this?" my answer is I don't know but I know this is what we are supposed to do. I will just take one day at a time.
Our journey started on Oct. 21, 2009. I woke up early (4:30 AM) to go to the early morning temple session. I had been praying about something prior to this day. I had just been to Time out for Women and there was a man there that really inspired me. He said he prayed to Heavenly Father to help him change and become better. He was willing to change whatever HF told him too. I wanted to do that. I had been praying for that for awhile but it didn't seem that anything was happening. Today it happened. Right when I woke up I had a distinct feeling that I was supposed to have a baby!! WHAT??!!! This was new news to me!! We were done having kids and really I was shocked and scared. I still went to the temple where the feeling became even stronger. Now I was even more scared. I finished the session and knew I needed to tell Bobby. That scared me too, because I wasn't sure what he would think. I was a mess to say the least and could barely talk. He pryed it out of me and surprisingly enough he said he had already known. WHAT!!?? I asked why he didn't tell me and he told me he was scared too.
It took me several days to wrap my brain around all of this. This is a huge change for all of us. The thought of getting pregnant and gaining a lot of weight was not exciting to me. I just lost 20 pounds and I didn't really want to gain it all back and some. I know all this sounds selfish on my part but that is truly how I felt.I did however know that that was what HF wanted for us. This wasn't as easy as it all sounds however. Bobby needed to have surgery to reverse his vasecotomy (sp?). He wasn't super excited about it but again we knew we were supposed to have another baby and having our own baby seemed like the most sensible way to do it.
As this set in a little more we realized a few things. Heavenly Father had been preparing me for this. When we went to the Orquire(sp?) Mountain Temple dedication I felt a really strong feeling to have another baby and I of course dismissed it because it was weird to feel that in the middle of that session. I had also had feelings that when I walked into the room with all my children there, that someone was missing. That was also weird to me but not weird enough to consider having more children. Bobby told me that day that when he went to the temple (he went to a session after me), he felt a strong impression too. He felt like some family forfeited their blessings of having a child here on earth and that we were chosen to help that child out. That made sense to me and I began to become ok with all of it. We did not tell our kids and had no intentions of doing so until I was pregnant. Bobby went for a consultation and the surgery was set for Jan. 15th. I decided in my mind I would not worry about it a lot until the new year. I did have a lot of things to get ready and think about though. I have no OB doctor because mine moved and I have no more baby or maternity clothes because I sold them all. Those two things are big things for me. I decided I would really have to learn to trust Heavenly Father and just know that he will help us do this. Lots of times I thought to myself "what am I getting myself into" "Why did I pray for this?" my answer is I don't know but I know this is what we are supposed to do. I will just take one day at a time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)